It's been a while since I've blogged. Over a year actually. But I'm feeling the need to let go and vent a little, since that's what Blogging is all about right?
My parents are out of town...usually that means staying out as late as you want, partying it up and hanging out with all your friends. Well for me...it means staying home and feeling like a complete loser. All of my other friends are out doing things and I'm at home. I don't know what this means. Yes I spend all of my time with Alyssa Ertel who is my bestest friend in the whole world and has been for 8 years now, but she also has a boyfriend who she hangs out with alot. I had these other friends who I've hung out with everyday for the past 3 weeks...then I brought Alyssa around to hang out with all of us as well. Of course...Alyssa is the most gorgeous girls I know, the most outgoing girl I know and the most careless girl I know. She's pretty much what every person wants in a friend or in a girlfriend. Then there's me, as the tears run down my face. I used to be known as the girl that didn't care what anybody thought, I was outgoing and free spirited and made friends easily....something has changed over the past little while though. I can't explain what happend. I care too much about what people think now. I worry too much about what I've done wrong and I guess you could say I've become sort of a follower instead of a leader. Saying that...I don't get asked to hang out with those certain friend anymore unless I'm with Alyssa. I don't compete with her. There's no way I'll ever be as gorgeous, fun living, and carefree as she is. I love that she's friends with my friends...if I can call them my friends anymore? It sucks and it's not the most exciting thing. Don't get me wrong...I am happy. I love my life right now and I have the most wonderful best friend in the world who would do anything for me, but being Compared to her makes my life complicated in a way.
On a lighter note...Alyssa and I are moving in together. We found an apartment in Midvale and move in March 1st...which is right around the corner. I am super stoaked and can't wait to grow up and experience things on my own without having Mommy and Daddy to hand me everything. You don't learn responsibility, how the world works and you don't find out who you really are living under your parents roof all your life. I'm almost 20, and for being 19, I'm pretty responsible. I've learned to budget my money and take care of my possesions and it's been rough, but I wouldn't trade the lessons I've learned from all of this , for anything. It's been an amazing experience and I can't wait to learn more and finally be on my own and have my own freedom. If you're interested in coming and seeing the apartment as soon as we move in....let me know :D
May 12. 2010 I FINALLY get to go to Hawaii for my first time! SO FREAKING EXCITED! I'm going with my parents and for my first time..I wouldn't want to go with anybody else!
That's all for now.
alex blair.
ReplyDeletei want you to know that YOU are the most gorgeous girl. it honestly intimidates me. but it's a good thing...and hello--you were so outgoing and that is how i met you and how you are still one of my besties :)
i seriously love you.
and yyyearn to talk to you.
ohh my baby.