37

37 more days till i get out of here for 2 weeks. away from the real world, away from drama and away from all the chaos my brain seems to find my life in. it'll be my first time going somewhere far away and not just as far as california...but as far as Hawaii. yes, Hawaii. i can't wait. being able to just spend all my time on the beach and relax and not have to worry about a thing, is seeming pretty ideal right now.

aside from Hawaii, my life is nothing but a jumbled mess right now. i work about 13 hours a day now with this dumb system conversion we're doing, trying to squeeze coaching softball in there somewhere and finding time for myself and my friends... i'm so worn out by the end of the day that i don't feel like doing anything. bleh. but i love it. keeping busy is exactly what i need right now.

ps. living on my own in my apartment, is ...... more then amazing. <3

I wonder

Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth being such a good friend....haha wait, what am I thinking? Of course it is! Last night was crazy and not in a good way.... I went from hanging out with some friends who were complete dicks, to having a really good night, to going and picking up those friends who were being dicks because they were drunk and needed a ride home to my best friend getting her heart broken because her dumb boyfriend broke up with her so I stayed up all night with he while she just bawled her poor little eyes out. No, I havn't slept since 530 yesterday morning (which would have been 3/5 and it's now 10:30 on 3/6). I'm sitting here at work pushing myself to stay awake long enough to get through these last couple of hours before I can go home, shower and then head to St George for the rest of the weekend...What a busy/ crazy life. I'm not complaining because I love helping people out in anyway that I can and when it comes to Alyssa I worry way to much to let her drive to St George by herself with the state of mind she's in... I'm just wondering when will I ever get sleep? Most people would say " just sleep on the way to St George" but it's kind of hard when Neither one of you (Alyssa nor I) have had any sleep so we need to make sure that we both stay awake for the drive.

Also, why do boys have to be suuuuch dicks sometimes and SO confusing? I was sooo irritated last night. SO IRRITATED. But I don't need to go into details as of why. Just...someone explain to me why boys are this way?!

Anyway, I'm off.

Peace

Moooving

Seriously, I never thought moving would be THIS stressful. Yes I've helped a few family members move here and there and didn't really think anything of it...till it all comes down to having to move yourself. Not knowing what you should and shouldn't pack, what you're going to want to keep out for the "day after" you move esp since I have to work, organizing everything into boxes and where they'll go in your new place and having to go through EVERYTHING and get rid of a bunch of crap you totally forgot you even had...yes. Stressful. None the less I am more then excited to finally be on my own. Alyssa's mom is nice enough to take us to Costco and buy us foooood today and my family is helping us get furniture and alot of people have just been SUPER nice to help us get ready and get everything we need. Alyssa and I talked about buying a washer and dryer to put in our apartment, but we figured if we saved that money we could eventually buy nicer things for our apartment AND it gives a really good excuse to go home and see our families!

Brady and I watched American Idol the other night...Yes I love that show and obsessed. BUT I was so suprised to find out that Tim (who should've gone home in the very beginning) ended up staying and making it through another round! Ok, I am no expert when it comes to who should go and who should stay...but with as much musical background I have...I know well enough that Tim should've gone home...It irritates me sometimes how this turns out to be a " best looking" competition with all these "little girls" voting....gag me.It's a competition based on who can and cannot sing...not who's better looking then the other. ugh.

i surrender

i don't get people. yes no one is perfect and we all make decisions we shouldn't, but that gives no one the right to judge if you don't do the same things other people do. We all have our differences and have interests in things others wouldn't even imagine. if someone doesn't agree with the decisions you're making..doesn't give them right to go and tell the whole world about them. Recently, this has happened. yes i have made decisions recently that one of my very best friends, someone who knows who i am and knows what i'm about and has always been there for me through thick and thin, dislike the things i have been up to. she's never judged me until now...and she knew that some of this has been happening for a few years now but she's never been around it, till now. she had the nerve to go and tell a few others what has been going on...people who i would never EVER imagine telling in my life. it's total bull shit. i've never been so hurt by one of my best friends and my trust with her is gone. completely. so for those of you who are reading this, if someone tells you a secret, and you wouldn't want them going and telling yours...don't go tell theirs. it hurts and it can be harsh when you find out who else knows.

on a brighter note....i move out in 4 days. so excited. i have all my bathroom stuff and it's going to be so adorable. alyssa and i are so excited and i can't wait to be on my own. like i said, anyone who wants to come see the apartment after the first week of march..just contact me!

New

It's been a while since I've blogged. Over a year actually. But I'm feeling the need to let go and vent a little, since that's what Blogging is all about right?

My parents are out of town...usually that means staying out as late as you want, partying it up and hanging out with all your friends. Well for me...it means staying home and feeling like a complete loser. All of my other friends are out doing things and I'm at home. I don't know what this means. Yes I spend all of my time with Alyssa Ertel who is my bestest friend in the whole world and has been for 8 years now, but she also has a boyfriend who she hangs out with alot. I had these other friends who I've hung out with everyday for the past 3 weeks...then I brought Alyssa around to hang out with all of us as well. Of course...Alyssa is the most gorgeous girls I know, the most outgoing girl I know and the most careless girl I know. She's pretty much what every person wants in a friend or in a girlfriend. Then there's me, as the tears run down my face. I used to be known as the girl that didn't care what anybody thought, I was outgoing and free spirited and made friends easily....something has changed over the past little while though. I can't explain what happend. I care too much about what people think now. I worry too much about what I've done wrong and I guess you could say I've become sort of a follower instead of a leader. Saying that...I don't get asked to hang out with those certain friend anymore unless I'm with Alyssa. I don't compete with her. There's no way I'll ever be as gorgeous, fun living, and carefree as she is. I love that she's friends with my friends...if I can call them my friends anymore? It sucks and it's not the most exciting thing. Don't get me wrong...I am happy. I love my life right now and I have the most wonderful best friend in the world who would do anything for me, but being Compared to her makes my life complicated in a way.

On a lighter note...Alyssa and I are moving in together. We found an apartment in Midvale and move in March 1st...which is right around the corner. I am super stoaked and can't wait to grow up and experience things on my own without having Mommy and Daddy to hand me everything. You don't learn responsibility, how the world works and you don't find out who you really are living under your parents roof all your life. I'm almost 20, and for being 19, I'm pretty responsible. I've learned to budget my money and take care of my possesions and it's been rough, but I wouldn't trade the lessons I've learned from all of this , for anything. It's been an amazing experience and I can't wait to learn more and finally be on my own and have my own freedom. If you're interested in coming and seeing the apartment as soon as we move in....let me know :D

May 12. 2010 I FINALLY get to go to Hawaii for my first time! SO FREAKING EXCITED! I'm going with my parents and for my first time..I wouldn't want to go with anybody else!

That's all for now.